Three rules to coach by

Looking back over 27 years of coaching young athletes, the most valuable piece of wisdom I’ve gained is the necessity of setting team rules at the first practice, then reinforcing these rules throughout every practice and game. Team rules are important for a few reasons: They maintain order, they teach important values and they set expectations.

Setting the right rules has infinitely more impact than setting imperfect rules. This is a fact I learned through a lot of trial and error and experimentation — a process that has yielded a set of team rules that are magical in their simplicity and effectiveness. Here they are:

1.  There’s a time to talk, and there’s a time to listen. This is always the first rule I introduce at the first team practice, because after the players have defined it together, their chatter subsides and they give me their full attention (which allows me to present the next two rules). This rule politely reminds kids that sometimes they need to zip it and listen to me (without saying so), while acknowledging that talking is usually acceptable and is, in fact, an important part of team sports. Together, we discuss when “the time to talk” is, and the players always get it right: when communicating with teammates on the rink, field or court; when cheering for teammates from the bench; when asking a coach for clarification about a drill; when congratulating the other team after a game, etc. And the players also always know when “the time to listen” is: when a coach is explaining a new drill, giving a halftime speech or offering coaching advice between shifts; when a referee is speaking; when a teammate is addressing the entire team, etc.

When my players are talking and I need their full attention, all I have to do to silence their voices is to say calmly, “Hey guys, what’s rule number one?” (Notice, I never have to say, “Everybody stop talking and listen up!” which, for some reason, never works anyway.)

2. Support your teammates. Teamwork and team unity are important qualities that all coaches want their teams to develop, but they don’t just happen naturally. I think a lot of coaches expect teamwork and team unity to develop instinctually out of the players’ common goal to win, and through the process of working together toward that goal in practices and games. I certainly expected that would be the case during my early years of coaching. But I soon learned that the shared goal of winning and the routine of practicing and playing together do not guarantee teamwork and team unity. Then, I experimented with a new team rule, and everything changed.

I can’t fully explain what causes a team to play well together, to enjoy seeing each other at the rink or field every day, and to feel a sense of harmony, but the first time I instituted the rule, “Support your teammates,” I realized I’d stumbled upon a shortcut to these objectives. Just as with Rule No. 1, the kids are always able to come up with numerous examples of what this rule looks like in actual practice: Cheer for your teammates when you’re on the bench (don’t just sit quietly, drinking your water); high-five your teammates frequently (after good plays, or even just good efforts); say encouraging things to a teammate after a bad play or a mistake (“You’ll get them next time” or “Don’t worry about it”); tell each other “great game” after every game, even if you lost; and never put down or blame a teammate.

This might seem to be a weak, pollyanna rule, and it would be if it were stated once and then forgotten. But this rule becomes dynamic when a coach persistently includes it in all aspects of practices and enforces it throughout every game. Indeed, the key to unlocking the power of this rule is to make “support your teammates” one of the procedural instructions for every drill, and one of the constant reminders to players at every game. For example, when leading a drill where players take turns, a coach must stress that part of the drill is for all players who are awaiting their turn to yell something encouraging to the player who’s up. (“C’mon Ben!” or “Here we go, Benny!” or even just “Bennyyyyyyy!”) Part of the drill is also for every player, after a teammate in his/her line has taken his/her turn, to give that player a high-five (or a tap on the helmet, or a pat on the back, or even just to whack the ice with one’s stick).

Miraculously, this rule also has the effect of making practices and games much more fun. Kids smile and play with pep when they’re cheering and being cheered for, and the act of encouraging teammates develops positive social connections and a spirit of collaboration between players — the seeds of an authentic culture of teamwork.

3. Always hustle. Certainly, one of the fundamentals to excelling at anything is giving one’s best effort. Can you imagine a team where everyone hustled, all the time? This team might not win every game, but it wouldn’t give away any games, and each of its players would develop his/her skills as much as possible over the course of that single season. An athlete who always hustles is a beautiful thing. So making this a team rule always has been a no-brainer. That said, of the three rules, this is hardest one for young children to define and to assimilate. They generally know that it means “try your hardest” and “skate or run as fast as you can,” but they need some help to fully comprehend the commitment implied by “always” and to imagine all the instances where hustle makes a difference. So I fill in some examples for them: Sprint in all drills, even if you’re tired; skate hard after every loose puck, even if your opponent is bigger or faster than you; be on time for practices and games (that’s a responsibility shared by the player and the parents); when the coach asks you to “bring it in,” rush; after the final buzzer sounds, dash back to your goalie to express your appreciation to him/her, then immediately form the handshake line; when saying “good game” to the other team, say it with heart, even if you lost; then thank the referees, and before you leave the locker room, thank your coaches.

That’s a much bigger definition of “always hustle” than kids are used to, and the complexity and breadth of this rule requires a coach to be vigilant in reminding players about its conscientious application throughout the season. The kids who have an easy time with “always hustle” already embodied the rule on the first day of practice; for everyone else, it’s a seasonlong struggle — and a worthwhile one.

I know there are other worthy “rules” that a youth sports coach could include on his/her list, such as “respect the game” or “respect your opponents” or “respect the referees.” I have found, however, that three rules is the magic number for kids (adding a fourth waters down the rest), and that almost every important value that coaches might want to impart to their players can be included under the heading of one of the three rules listed above. Kids often recommend rules, too. The most popular suggestion is, “Shouldn’t ‘have fun’ be one of the rules?” My response is always the same: “Have fun used to be one of my rules — until I realized it isn’t a rule, it’s a natural outcome of knowing when to talk and when to listen, supporting your teammates and always hustling.”